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Mental Abuse
How to spot Emotional Abuse
Have you experienced violent outbursts from a parent or partner?
Have you been blamed for the simplest things?
Have you ever felt so afraid of their rage that
you wanted to crawl up in a ball and sink into
the Earth and die?
Have you questioned your own sanity?
Do you flinch when they approach you?
"It is not abuse, don't complain you are lucky he doesn’t hit you," they said. Emotional abuse can destroy your self-worth make no mistake it is abuse.
How to help someone in an Abusive Relationship
* Listen, believe, and validate them. Let him/her know that you care and you want them to be safe.
* Do not ask questions that imply blame. Someone who is being abused is not responsible for their
partner’s choices or violence and does not deserve shame or guilt.
* Do not be critical of the abusive partner, instead make firm statements that physical violence
emotional, verbal, and any abuse of any kind, under any circumstance, is unacceptable.
* Do not assume that they are ready to leave the relationship or that you know what is best for her/him.
* Don’t pressure them to make quick decisions.
* Become a comfort zone for them, assure them that their conversation with you will not be revealed
to their abuser.
* Assist them in getting legal help if necessary or with other sources of protection, such as protective orders
restraining orders, changing current phone numbers, etc.
*Do not force them or put pressure on them not to see the abuser. It may be complicated to leave the
relationship for many reasons. Respect their choices.
*Do not advise them to leave or judge them for staying.
*People are the best experts in their own lives and ultimately know what is
best for themselves at any particular time.
*Provide information and resources in a non-judgmental and gentle manner
so that they can make educated and informed decisions about their future.
*Provide a safe environment and opportunities for them to become aware
of available resources, explore their options, and know that they do not
deserve to be abused.
*Don’t underestimate the danger. Frequently, the most dangerous time for someone
being abused is when they leave the abuser.
* If you fear for their safety, call 911 immediately.
*Do not get upset if they choose to go back to or stay with the abuser.
List of books I can recommend
In the book "Verbal Abuse Survivors Speaks out on Relationships and Recovery by Patricia Evans.
I heard a man who realized he had been extremely verbally abusive say, " I love my wife, she's everything to me. I love her more than anything, we're so close she is like an extension of my very self." What is he communicating? He is communicating, " you do not exist as a separate person."
This means," you must think as I think. Do as I say. And my behavior has no effect on you because I don't feel its effects. You are my extension; you can only feel what I feel."
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